Full House (I
by Sheryl Nantus
Summary: How do you get from here to there and surviving the trip.


All Characters copyright of TenThirteen Productions and Chris Carter. No infringement intended on any part...I like being poor, really...The character of Jackie St. George belongs to me though... 

This is my answer to that oft-asked question of ÒWhere do you get your stories from?Ó. I have two choices: either I tell them that I channel from an alternative universe, or that three people just moved into my apartment suddenly... 

The Scene: A small apartment, with a tired writer sitting in front of a Mac typing madly between stories for a newsgroup and correspondence to a certain man who started out as a fan of her stories and now has progressed to a type of Cyberdating... 

Characters: You know who they are... 

Full Houseby Sheryl Martin 

THWACK! *hand hits writer on back of head in the middle of a email letter* "Oh, Jackie... I was just..." 

"Hey, fantasise on your own time...Ó 

"Sure I do... I did it with Downtime." 

"Yah, but that was Mulder and Scully... your imagination doesn't need much encouragement to do that." 

"Just go back to the poker game, okay?" 

"Dana just played a Royal Flush... we had to stop because Mulder was having trouble breathing..." 

*************** 

THWACK! *hand hits writer as she is penning sweet nothings to email message in between stories* "What?" 

"Ah... Jackie... I was just..." 

"Get back to your stories! And stop drooling over this guy... or let me have him..." 

"Oh, right. Like you wouldn't kill him." 

"Hey, at least he'd die with a smile on his face..." 

"Right..." sigh... maybe I am becoming unhinged... 

****************** 

THWACK! *hand hits writer again* "He's coming up here?" 

"Well, it's a thought..." 

"Not in my lifetime..." 

ÒWhat's the problem?" 

"He's a little too wild for me..." 

"Hmm..." ... now IÕm afraid... 

"Shut up and go write some more... Dana just won Mulder's paycheck with a full house again..." 

**************** 

THWACK! "Oh, right..." *sarcastic tone in voice as she looks at words on screen* 

"Shut up Jackie -- go get Mulder out of those cuffs again." 

"Hey, not my fault Dana's lost the key... besides, she's having too much fun with that feather..." 

"Okay... "...I gotta get a life... 

*************** 

THWACK! "Look, I was being..." 

"I know what you were being..." 

"Jackie, go back to the poker game...please..." 

"Hey, Dana just lost to Mulder... and he wished out loud that we were playing strip." 

"And?" 

"Hear that yelling? She just cuffed him to the dining room table and is tickling him to death..." 

************** 

THWACK! "God, what now?" *stops working on Dragon story to look up* 

"You haven't been in a church for over twenty years." 

"Yah. Your point?" 

"So what's this innocent scene?" 

"Just go get Mulder out of my fridge, Jackie." 

"He just ate the chocolate cake you were saving for your birthday... oh, never mind. Dana just hit him in the face with her piece. Food fight!!!" ...the mind boggles... 

************** 

THWACK!!! "Go away... I was behaving myself.." 

"I know. I'm just hiding here from those two..." 

"I'm afraid to ask." 

"Well, Mulder found the can of whipped cream..." 

"Just don't tell me anything else. Please." 

"Hey, you can always get the carpet cleaned...whoops! I'm outta here!" 

"Mulder, don't...aarrrggghh..." *writer wiping face and screen* "Thanks a lot." 

"You're welcome... Oh, Scully?" *creeps from room* ÒScully?Ó 

***************** 

THWACK!!! "Oh, god... just leave me alone..." 

"Ah, just tell me where the mop is..." 

"Why?" 

"Well, the food fight we were having..." 

"Yes..." 

"It moved into the kitchen and the bathroom..." 

"And..." 

"Ah, that screaming is Dana being shoved into the shower fully clothed by Mulder... in retaliation for her dumping that potful of water over his head..." 

"Jackie..." 

"Hey, I told them to stop chugging a beer for every hand of poker..." 

"I give up. Just lock the door behind you..." 

************************** 

THWACK!!! "God, it's after one in the morning, Jackie..." 

"Well, I'm the only one still conscious." 

"Oh, that's great... I'm afraid to ask." 

"He passed out in the bathtub... she's on the couch..." 

"Good." 

"Ah, not really... the tub's full of water and she's still soaked from the fight in the shower..." 

"Sigh... give me a minute, okay?" 

The crew's still passed out in the other room... I threw a couple of towels over Scully and let the water out of the tub, though Mulder definitely will need a change of clothing before he leaves... if they ever do. St. George's snoring on my futon couch, clutching a teddy bear and grumbling about something. Sounds like they plan to stay for a while... until I just can't find anything else to write... and that was only 44 stories ago when they first moved in... sigh... 

Oh god... the crew is rampaging around... one minute... 

"What's up?" 

"Mulder's just making French toast for all of us." 

"Oh? So what's with the five broken eggs on the floor?" 

"Ah, Dana's trying to learn how to juggle." 

"Here. I have some fabric balls in my room she can practise with.." 

"No, you see... she's standing right beside Mulder while she learns..." 

"You know, I could just not write about you anymore..." 

"Oh, right... like you could do that anytime this century... go back and talk to Marty... I'll get the mop." 

"Thank you." 

SPLAT! "I think yellow egg on his tie won't make a big change, Dana..." 

***************** 

"What the hell is this?" 

"Ah, we're watching videos..." 

"Jackie, I do have a volume control, you know..." 

"Hey, for Jurassic Park you need to have it up loud. Besides, Mulder's too noisy arguing with Scully over the possibility of real dinosaurs being in nature for me to hear it.." 

"Sigh..." SLAM! *bedroom door shuts* 

****************** 

"Yo! Want some pancakes!" 

"Ah... who's cooking?" 

"Dana... Mulder's hiding out in the shower already..." 

"Why..." 

"He made a crack about her cooking and she poured some of the batter over his head..." 

"Why can't I have a normal life..." 

"Look at who you hang out with..." 

"Put me down for a plate, please... and no fighting over the syrup!" 

"Oh, that's already in the shower with Mulder... he grabbed it on the way by..." the mind boggles again... 

"Hello?" 

"I'm busy here..." 

"We're just going to do up the dishes." 

"You can't be serious..." 

"No, I'm not. Mulder just carried them all into the shower..." 

" And that syrup?" 

ÒAh, Dana's going to have to wash her hair to get the last of it out." 

"Go. Play. Have Fun." 

"Hey, after this Dragon of yours... I need a vacation..." 

"Please just go... I need to finish this letter..." 

"Well, that's good... whoops... you don't mind a few broken plates, do you?" 

I really must move them into their own apartment... 

********************* 

It's so nice outside the crew went to play basketball... Jackie and Dana on Mulder... I don't even want to think about it... penalties for holding on Dana; Jackie's the ref... aren't there penalties for grabbing? ;-) I'll check on them later- at least they're out of the apartment... for now... 

"Yo!" 

"Oh, you're back... how was the game?" 

"Dana set a new record for fouling out..." 

"And you were the ref?" 

"Yep... wore out my whistle..." 

"And what was the final score?" 

"Score?" *incredulous look of disbelief* 

"Never mind... go watch the Jays game and leave me to a few hours of sleep, hmm?" 

The never-ending story continues... 

The end??? ******************************** 


End file.
